


let it all go

by jules8178



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: Emotional Rollercoaster, Established Relationship, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Roster Feelings, soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-03
Updated: 2020-01-03
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:01:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22096798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jules8178/pseuds/jules8178
Summary: After getting the call that she made the Olympics roster, Emily is so overwhelmed by her relief that she breaks down, the emotions she'd built up over the past years pouring out.Lindsey is there to get her through it.
Relationships: Lindsey Horan/Emily Sonnett
Comments: 2
Kudos: 51





	let it all go

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, I hope you guys like this. I wrote it in about an hour and it just poured out of me- so I'm not sure if it's very good. Either way, I hope you enjoy it (as much as you can enjoy a fic with this many feelings).

She’d been waiting to get this roster call for months- well, especially in the last few months following the world cup win. But in actuality, this was a call and a decision Emily had been waiting for for the last four years.

It started in 2016, when she didn’t make the official Olympics roster but got to go as an alternate. Her career was just starting out, so all anyone said to her at the time was that 2020 would be her year.  
Jill, on the phone call letting her know her decision: “I think you have so much potential but you need some time to grow. I can see you shining in Tokyo.”  
Her parents, trying to comfort her when they could tell she was disappointed by not making the roster: “Kid, I know it’s tough but I have no doubt 2020 will be your year, and you still get the experience this year.”  
Lindsey, their friendship blossoming in their first year at Portland, trying not to rub the news of her making the roster in Emily’s face: “I’m so sorry, Sonny, but I’m glad you’ll be in Rio with me! And I know we’ll be there starting in 2020!”

After that year’s Olympics went down in flames for the team, Emily never again brought up how not making the official roster really hurt, not wanting to bug her friends with her selfish feelings when they were all hurting from the devastating loss.

Then came 2017. A year Emily would rather forget. She never told anyone, preferring to keep her intense emotions to herself and instead keeping a happy facade, but that year was her toughest yet. Not playing for the USWNT, struggling in the NWSL with criticism coming from seemingly all directions, Emily felt like her career was closing in on her and coming to an early end. No one really knew, and Emily didn’t recognize what it was until later on when she started addressing her feelings, but Emily fell into a deep depression that year. It didn’t help that she rarely got to see her friends on the national team, having to watch her best friends hang out together at camp while she was stuck in Portland.

Over the next two years, her career picked back up and so did Emily’s spirits. She saw playing time on the international level again and really got her chance to shine. But with Kelley healthy in 2019, something she couldn’t help but be ecstatic about, her place on the national team was again uncertain. 

Still, she made the World Cup roster. No, she didn’t get to play much, which was disappointing to her. But Emily was proud of the fact that she kept her teammates spirits high, hyping them up at all times. And, she got to be a part of the win, celebrating for weeks, memories she’ll hold close to her heart forever.

Best of all? After the World Cup win, drunk off champagne in that chaotic locker room, Lindsey and Emily found a corner of the room to sit on their own. And, with champagne helping the feelings flow out, the pair finally admitted how much they loved each other. Smiling widely, unable to hold themselves to soft smiles this time, the two blondes leaned in and kissed each other. Wolf whistles and cheers from their drunken teammates brought them back to reality, but the blissfulness from that night never faded.

Upon their return to Portland, Lindsey and Emily sat down to define their relationship, deciding to officially date. From there, the pair moved quickly, having already been long past the “getting to know each other” stage, with Lindsey fully moving into Emily’s apartment after about a month.

Now, offseason had come and gone and Olympic qualifiers were played. There was a certain buzz and nervousness around the team, because everyone knew what was coming soon. The roster. The notably smaller roster.

Emily was patiently waiting - well, who is she kidding, she couldn’t wait patiently if she was paid to do so - for her call from Vlatko, hearing through the grapevine that calls were starting to be made.

Lindsey got her call before Emily. It didn’t quite surprise her, because she knew her girlfriend was a lock for Tokyo. But she didn’t expect having to wait so much longer to hear her call.

The day Lindsey got her call, Rose and Sam got theirs as well, messaging about it in their group chat. The next day, Mal got hers.

At this point, Emily was not okay, and Lindsey could tell. All Emily wanted to do was be happy for Lindsey, but she just couldn’t. She felt frozen, fearing that she had yet again missed the Olympics roster, her worst nightmare for the last four years.

She was so nervous, finding herself unable to keep any food down. She tried, she really tried- Lindsey insisted she drank water and ate some toast - but there was no point with it just coming back up. Emily didn’t cry, but she was essentially zoned out for two days, looking catatonic on the couch and causing Lindsey to look at her with worrying eyes.

And then, two and a half days after Lindsey got her call, Emily got the call from Vlatko. She’d made the roster. 

Emily could feel everything she’d pushed down over the last few days (and years) rising to the surface, threatening to overflow. She kept it together while on the phone, but as soon as she made eye contact with Lindsey, it was like the dam broke. And with that, so did she.

Emily sank to her knees in the middle of their bedroom, sobs suddenly bursting out and tears streaming down her face, simply overwhelmed by the relief she felt at making the roster. Lindsey was extremely alarmed- she’d never even seen her girlfriend cry before, let alone break down like this.

As much as Lindsey wanted to ask questions, she knew all she could do was comfort her girlfriend and hope to understand Emily’s feelings after the sobs had subsided.  
Emily was quickly finding herself out of breath, her sobs not giving her a chance to catch it. It didn’t help that she was trying desperately to explain her reaction to Lindsey, wanting her to understand what she was feeling.

Noticing this Lindsey shushed her gently, saying “Em, baby, we can talk later. Please, just try to breathe. C’mon, breathe with me, Em. It’s okay, you’re okay. There you go, deep breaths, I got you.”

Seeing Emily’s sobs had let up, Lindsey took the opportunity to get them off the floor and onto their bed, lifting her girlfriend off the carpet and over to the bed. 

Now on the bed, Emily curled into Lindsey, resting her head on the taller girl’s chest and wrapping her arm tightly around her waist. Emily continued to cry, not able to stop even though she wanted to, now soaking Lindsey’s shirt with tears.

Later, once the tears had slowed and only sniffles remained, Emily found her voice.

“I’m sorry I made your shirt all wet,” Emily apologized softly while avoiding Lindsey’s eyes.  
“It’s your shirt anyway, and baby, don’t be sorry. Can you tell me what happened?” Lindsey asked pleadingly, with eyebrows furrowed and tears threatening to spill from her eyes.  
“Um. I’m not really sure. I think I was just so relieved that I made the roster that I just shut down, and all my emotions I’ve been holding in over the last few years just hit me and poured out,” explained Emily, finally looking up to make eye contact with Lindsey.

“Thank you,” added Emily, again glancing away.  
“Baby, you never have to thank me for comforting you. It’s what I’m here for,” Lindsey responded, concern still intensely present on her face.  
“I know, but still,” Emily argued half-heartedly.

Choosing it wasn’t worth fighting, Lindsey let it go and decided it was late enough for the two of them to actually go to bed. 

Just before letting sleep overtake them, Lindsey pressed a kiss onto the top of Emily’s head, whispering “I love you” after. Emily was already asleep, exhausted from the outpouring of tears, so she didn’t say “I love you” back. But, Lindsey didn’t mind, knowing her girlfriend felt the same way.

The pair certainly had more to discuss about the night’s events, but it could all wait until the morning. For now, all that mattered was them, safely and peacefully asleep in the world they had created for themselves.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!!


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